The end is nigh

This is the last semester I will ever spend on campus at Purdue University Calumet. I started in the spring of 2003, originally intending to major in construction management. I wanted this because prior to the semester, I spent the second half of 2002 as a laborer and thought it was really cool. My interst in construction was short lived, and in 2004 I declared my major as Psychology. I went ahead with it, feeling good that my schooling was beginning to show some direction. At least in that sense. The truth was, I was doing pretty bad in school. I wasn't serious about it at all. Well, I wanted to do good, but didn't know how and soon adopted the belief that failure was to be expected, and there was nothing I could do about it.

In the fall semester of 2004, I was signed up for 5 classes, all of which I either dropped or got a D in. The end of the semester was nearing and I knew I was in deep trouble. I had been in school for a year and a half and hadn't really gotten anywhere. I told my family that I had been fucking up and came to terms with the fact that something had to be done because with the devices I was working with at the time, failure was imminent. Coincedently, my social life was in the gutter as well, and work wasn't much better. So, with all three areas in my life in wreckage, I felt I was on a one way course to perpetual incoherence and amorphousness. I decided to seek counseling.

So now everyone knew my state of affairs. There was nothing to hide, it was all in the open. In the spring semester of 2005, I was taking 4 classes, most of which I had already taken and failed. Socially, I had surrounded myself in a different social network. I had a clean slate. Another shot. All the while, reporting once a week to my psychologist Donna to discuss the progress and the current events. The process of psychological treatment is another story all it's own, which I am likely to describe in subsequent blogs. For now, I'll work on wrapping this one up.

After I recieved good grades in the spring of 2005 and had integrated myself into a new social network in which I held a better standing, life was good. I was relieved of the looming sense of dread and proceeded to pursue things in my life that had gone unattended to. One was dating, but most of it was just how to enjoy life. So, from then til now, school had been something in which a I was immersed and it was only punctuated by the coming and going of semesters. The end, graduation, was far off and I remained in a boundless universe of textbooks, power tools (work), fishing lures, notebooks, and Miller High Life. No, I have not avoided the college partying experience.

But here, in my final semester, proof of school's finity is in my face. Unavoidable, inescapable. However, this is not a sad truth. More often than not, it is an uplifting and ispiring one. I used to fear the world and deny my place in it, but now, and moreso with time, I am accepting my place in it and I am ready to proceed. That's pretty much it.